It's as though there's a horrible plot afoot to keep me from retiring. I've scheduled my appt. to have my retirement paperwork filled out, but couldn't find an appt. open till the very end of March. I wanted to retire then, but instead I'll be cooling my heels for another 3 months. It seems like a cruel joke to drag this mfing process out for another 3 months. I don't know if I can bear it. I could bridge the gap and just say to hell with it and live off my supplemental retirement fund until the pension checks start coming. I don't want to be imprisoned at home, not having a spare penny to my name while I interminably wait. I have the opportunity to switch jobs with another employee, but it would be similar to jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Not only do I not want to work as many hours, I really don't want to work at all anymore. I want to putter in my garden with my bees and ride my motorcycle, paddle my kayak, and I don't want to be enslaved to my paycheck.

I don't know if I'm making the right decision or not. I don't know if I should marry J or not. I don't know if I should send the letter to Chrish I wrote or not.