Well, J's been contemplating his next move while he's stayed at his daughter's for the past two weeks and he's announced his decision. The move he's making is out. He's trying to have me do some of the work for him, which I'm not really that keen on. But in order to speed things along, I'll probably be the one packing up all his books. I won't be moving his things out of the basement. He's going to need to bring help. There's several reasons for that; my back isn't up to heavy lifting, I didn't want him to move out in the first place, and some of the things he's said lately have really pissed me off.
some of the things I'll miss:
his smile
his beautiful brown eyes
his cheekbones
his competence
having someone intelligent with whom to discuss politics, books, etc...
fantastic sex
his kindness to everyone
his generosity with his library hold slots
some of the things I won't miss:
the mountains of dirty dishes he produces when he cooks
his prima donna attitude
doing things alone despite being in a committed relationship?
his smarter than thou attitude
his anal list and schedule making at the same time having always to check his gas gauge because he frequently runs out of gas
hearing him complain about the difficulty of moving out and living on his own
I'm very lonely and need to start working on the alone- but not lonely mindset.
Right now I'm still flat busted broke due to the timing of his exodus, and have just been hiding out at home. As he said, there is no good time to move out, as he continued to make plans to move out.
7 comments:
Sweetie, this isn't pity, just giving you a squeeze hug. But just like you have encouraged new life within your hives...you will create something beautiful out of this. There's no doubt. Just always remember how damned strong you are.
Elena, it's funny, for a long time I thought I would just prefer to be alone. Then after my boys left for school I was alone for the first time in my life, and I started longing for a companion. Finding J felt like a miracle, except that I was still alone most of the time.
Thanks for the words of sympathy. I'm always surprised when someone actually reads and comments.
I fully believe it is better to be alone and feel lonely rather than being with someone and still feel alone.
We are always stronger than we think even when going through something difficult. Just try and believe there is something or someone greater meant for you.
Love, believed to be the basis of a relationship, but not reciprocated, and subsequently rejected, is comparable of a large bug hitting one's forehead at the beginning of a long, fast, hard motorcycle ride and felt for its duration...and is always remembered.
Which causes that particular rider to have the tendency to duck further down behind one's windscreen when riding again!
Stoneman, are you poking me with a pointy stick again?
Do you need to be?
If so, would it serve to get you from your lugubriosity?
And, yes I checked it is the appropriate word!
Stoneman, I've been dumped a number of times now. I'm not getting any better at it with practice.
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