948 mi

948 mi. and I'm home safe again. It was just what I needed, to be alone with my thoughts for a while. With no work, no children or public to please. I had a beautiful time alone hiking, swimming, and taking all sorts of photos. I'll admit that I had a few scary moments. On the way up there, somewhere north of Ludington, I glanced in my mirror to find this old blue van right on my tail in the left lane and crossing the middle line toward me. I rolled the throttle on quickly and shot ahead while watching him in the mirror. All I could see was that he was a big burly guy gesturing at me with large arm movements. He sped up and was moving back and forth in his lane erratically. As soon as he started to get close, I shut my throttle down and he shot ahead of me. I figured all I had to do then was to avoid the debri. I kept my eye on him and he didn't try any more games and I decided it was a good time to get gas at the next exit after he had passed it. I also had a couple of Bambi sightings close to the road, but nothing too scary. The lightning and thunder storm the first night was definitely more attention getting in a tent, but I even managed to go back to sleep after I got the tent moved out of the giant lake that my campsite had turned into and got it mopped out. When I talked to some of the locals at breakfast in the morning, they said that just weeks before 31 had become impassable for days between Manistee and Ludington when rain completely washed the road out. That gave me pause, especially thinking about riding 260 mi. further north to the UP. I finally opted out of going further north since there wasn't going to be a stretch of good weather long enough to warrant the effort. Either I was going to ride there in the rain, or I could ride in the sun only to sit in my tent in the rain after I got there. It just didn't sound like that much fun. I decided to relax and enjoy the beach, take some local scenic cruises and check out some the nature trails and a bird sanctuary. When I got home, my bed felt so good after sleeping on the ground for five nights in a row. I didn't do anything but sit in front of my computer the whole day Friday. It made me feel guilty for wasting a day of my vacation so I went out that night and tied one on pretty good. Then the shock of receiving an invitation for dinner and the evening spent together with my Dear Rascal. I woke up in his arms and was so completely happy until I remembered that we are not really together. It just felt so right, so natural that I completely forgot all about the pain, the rejection, that it could all be snatched away from me again by just a few words (possibly delivered in an impersonal email). I posed some questions to him and now I'm left as though someone pushed a pause button waiting for some sort of response. I know that I can survive without him. I just don't want to. I was even to the point of accepting and trying to live in the realm of friendship just to keep him in my life. It pushes and pulls me as if I were a child again to hear that my parents didn't make him feel welcome, and to hear my mother say she fears he may be controlling. I am tired, my head aches from all the worry, meanwhile more and more men are expressing interest in me, but no assurances from the man who I love.

On my way home from the lake and saying good-bye to my sister and nieces headed back to CA I stopped at O's and met an interesting man last night. His name was Chris. He rides a Yamaha sport bike and just had it impounded for driving recklessly downtown. I was surprised to find that he was a voracious reader. He was handsome, smart, younger than me, but with a family life far more complex than mine. He's still raising children and lives with his ex-wife and her boyfriend. Apparently it has eased the problems between his ex and their daughter to have her father included in her daily life. He seemed to have a giant heart and to be full of life and fun. He asked again and again for my phone number, but I wouldn't give it. I wasn't playing hard to get. It's just that I know what I want and I'm willing to wait and work to get it.